Is It Bad When All My Body Wants To Do Is Sleep?

Well. I think more than a few people would be fine with that problem, at least for a couple of days anyway. For the last three or four days sleeping is all my body wants to do and, frankly, I am getting sick of it. It is frustrating because everytime I blink it takes a while for my eyes to open and then to refocus. I was talking to my mom today and she said she has watched me while we have talked and has noticed my latest problem of keeping my eyes open. I think she finds it kinda funny. :( Which I guess it is if you are not me. :)

I am frustrated about it though because it takes forever for me to do anything because I am falling asleep all the time! At first I thought I was tired all the time because I was going to bed late and waking up later with just a little effect from the morphine. So last night, I went to bed earlier than I have been and got up way earlier than I have been to see if that would help. I do have to admit that I felt a little better throughout the day, but I still had the problem of falling asleep and things taking four times as long to complete.

When Dad called to say he was on his way home he asked what I had done today. I had very little to report. It was really sad and very dissapointing for me. I have a list of somethings to do and everytime I go to work on one of them, I fall asleep within a matter of minutes. I can't tell you how infuriating that can be. Especially when it happens time after time after time.

Through talking to my mom we have decided that it is purely morphine's fault that I am tired all the time. :( hmm. Why is it that the things that help us the most have to have to many bad and frustrating side effects to them? I wonder if that statement only pertains to things that are man made? hmm.

Other than my body wanting to sleep all the time I am doing very well. I don't hurt very much, thanks to the constant drip of morphine into my arm. So, I guess I am great. Lol. Until you consider the insane conflicting feelings of slight annoyance at the side effects of the morphine and grattitude for its numbing affects on my severe pain. Interesting, huh? Lol. :)

A New Chapter It Seems

Today I left the hospital with the feelings of it being my last visit to Primary Children's Medical Center and the crushing weight of the reality of my too-soon-to-come death.

While at the hospital this week, I met with a hospice company that will be taking care of me and my family for the rest of my days here on Earth. I think that is what made the words "terminal cancer" hit closer to home. It had never bothered me much before, but now I have the overwhelming humanistic feeling that I am going to miss my family. I believe that I will see them again and even be around them until their time comes to move on. But I cannot feel the enveloping sadness that I won't be able to converse with them, tell them I love them, or complain about everyday maddening things.

I will pull through somehow, but for right now, as I left the hospital, I felt the closing of one chapter of my life and the opening of another one. The closing of the middle of my life and the opening of the beginning of the end. Like I said, I will pull through, just like we all do in times of strife. Yet for now, it is saddening for me.

Heading Home...

Hey Everyone~

Here is a little update...Jenna was released from the Hospital today. She is staying with Aunt Shawna in Centerville, until her flight leaves on Friday. Yeah, Jenna!!! We are so glad that you are going home, and it sounds like you will have a bunch of visitors up in Horseshoe Bend.

TAKING OVER!!!!

This is Nikki, I am doing my best to update people on Jenna's life, without taking over Jenna's blog. She has allowed me access to her blog to keep everyone updated, but I have also been given instructions as well. I know that when I call I am concerned I might interupt some precious moments of sleep, or something else, so I can imagine how others feel. I will do my best to keep everyone updated and informed on her condition and how she is feeling. Jenna has good news, she is no longer hearing music. We have no idea where this music came from, but she was definatly hearing it. It ranged from Sambas, and other Latin Music, to songs she actually recognized. But it is now gone!!!! Yeah for Jenna!!!!

Jenna spent some time talking with a few doctors that she didn't appreciate. She has a few pointers for the future doctors that are reading this blog. #1. Ask the question you want answered, but if I happen to expand on the answer, don't stick your hand in my face. #2 Don't leave after asking a question without giving me time to give you an answer.

Jenna has really appreciated people stopping by and visiting with her. She says she never has a dull moment in the evenings. Everyone is so wonderful!!! Jenna wants to appoligize, if you showed up on Thursday...she was slightly out of it due to being over-medicated on morphine. I told her that I wish that I was invited to that party!!!!

Jenna and Mom are hoping that they are able to be released from the hospital and return home to Horseshoe Bend on Tuesday. Everyone keep your fingers crossed and Jenna in your prayers.