Today I left the hospital with the feelings of it being my last visit to Primary Children's Medical Center and the crushing weight of the reality of my too-soon-to-come death.
While at the hospital this week, I met with a hospice company that will be taking care of me and my family for the rest of my days here on Earth. I think that is what made the words "terminal cancer" hit closer to home. It had never bothered me much before, but now I have the overwhelming humanistic feeling that I am going to miss my family. I believe that I will see them again and even be around them until their time comes to move on. But I cannot feel the enveloping sadness that I won't be able to converse with them, tell them I love them, or complain about everyday maddening things.
I will pull through somehow, but for right now, as I left the hospital, I felt the closing of one chapter of my life and the opening of another one. The closing of the middle of my life and the opening of the beginning of the end. Like I said, I will pull through, just like we all do in times of strife. Yet for now, it is saddening for me.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
I am so sorry Jenna. You are so beautiful inside and out. I don't know what to say besides, that I love you... we all love you. Really more than you know.
Oh Jenna, you beautiful, sweet, strong, amazing woman. You are an inspiration to us all. We love and appreciate you and yoour family more than we can ever express. You are all in our prayers nightly. PLease let us know if there is anything that we can do for any of you. We love you so much.
Larry, Denise and family.
Jenn. I love you so much and this post honestly makes me cry..You know, when my mom passed away it was so hard to know that, just like you said I can't talk with her, couldn't show her my ring when I got engaged,or tell her the news of me being pregnant with twins. But inside I know she listens and watches over me. She protects me and that she was in the sealing room when I was married. And I know she is with my children now. Anyway my point is.. that she is my angel and I know that she is happy and no longer suffering. Jenn, you will be your families angel and you will protect them and always be near to them. You will be happy and healthy. You will be with your family always. Cancer will no longer linger throughout you and the pain will be gone. Its hard to face the reality and the pain for those you leave. But we will always feel you with us and never forget you. We love you so much and your strength and example will live.
We are coming to visit you!! and we will get another dominoes game in for sure. Love you!
Jenna, you are incredible. Thank you for your strength and the inspiration you are to everyone lucky enough to know you.
I know without a doubt that families are eternal and even though you won't be able to voice your love to your family, they will feel it. I know they will. And that will be enough to see us all through until we can all sit down as families and laugh and talk together again.
I love you and wish you my best.
P.S. Tell my mom hi for me when you get a chance. :)
Jenna...You amaze me. You are such a beautiful and inspiring writer. I am so excited to come up to Horseshoe Bend! We will have so much fun... Even if you are too tired-- we'll party softly!! I love you so much and I'll see you sooooooooooooooooon!!
Jenna - have been wondering about you but had computer problems and couldn't find your blog. Googled you tonight. Just wanted to say I love ya and that I'm glad you're LIVING the rest of your life, not just waiting for it to get done. Thank Heavens for Eternal Life and the gospel that gives us the knowledge and comfort that we will be together again. Give your mom a hug from me. Love you lots.
Rose
Hi, Jenna:
Your words make me feel so sad of your situation but happy to have met a so wonderful and incredible girl like you.
You're an example for everyone who knows you and that will be in our hearts forever. Maybe we won't talk to you anymore but we will remember you every day and every special moment we have enjoyed with you.
Though we are so far one from each other, I feel you very close since I met you.
Love U, Jen!!!
Post a Comment