There is no real reason for that title really, it just serves as a reminder to me to not be cranky when I'm struggling with thoughts in my head or with pain.
Today has been one of those days that I have struggled with. I couldn't focus a whole lot on my studies, which means I'm further behind than I would like to be. Ever since going to see Dr. Randall things have been a little different. I have found myself looking off into the distance or up at the sky and thinking, "Man, my life really sucks" with an overwhelming sadness in my being. Now I find myself crying without really know why besides . . . well . . . my life sucks right now. I am in an awful predicament. Today I have hit a wall where I am sick of pretending, and in part believing, that everything is hunky dory and not feeling that there is any other way to act! And I am only half way through my week!!!! Which is totally frustrating beyond description and totally unfair to those I have yet to hang out with for the rest of the week. Lucky for me half of the time I have left is going to be spent up at Primary Children's with the docs and people that know how much my situation sucks. But I have to be good (i.e. n
ot grouchy, irritable, or mean :) ) until then. This is an awful fight at which I feel that I am alone in and losing horribly.
Now I sleep to wake in another day of this battle that rages within me. Tonight I might be faltering, but tomorrow I arise anew and ready to begin again. (wow. . . either that is really good or really cheesy. lol)
Today has been one of those days that I have struggled with. I couldn't focus a whole lot on my studies, which means I'm further behind than I would like to be. Ever since going to see Dr. Randall things have been a little different. I have found myself looking off into the distance or up at the sky and thinking, "Man, my life really sucks" with an overwhelming sadness in my being. Now I find myself crying without really know why besides . . . well . . . my life sucks right now. I am in an awful predicament. Today I have hit a wall where I am sick of pretending, and in part believing, that everything is hunky dory and not feeling that there is any other way to act! And I am only half way through my week!!!! Which is totally frustrating beyond description and totally unfair to those I have yet to hang out with for the rest of the week. Lucky for me half of the time I have left is going to be spent up at Primary Children's with the docs and people that know how much my situation sucks. But I have to be good (i.e. n
ot grouchy, irritable, or mean :) ) until then. This is an awful fight at which I feel that I am alone in and losing horribly. Now I sleep to wake in another day of this battle that rages within me. Tonight I might be faltering, but tomorrow I arise anew and ready to begin again. (wow. . . either that is really good or really cheesy. lol)
3 comments:
My Dear Niece,
I love you so much! Thank you for sharing your heart-wrenching, uplifting, honest, intensely spiritual thoughts and feelings. My heart and prayers are sooo with you.
It was great to see you with many other loved ones last night. I hope you had fun.
You are--with all of your ups and downs--sharing an inspirational life that brings humility, understanding, insight, gratitude, and compassion to all you touch.
Please always remember how much your Aunt Debbi loves you.
I'm so sorry things are bad today. I don't know how you hang in there.I'll say extra prayers for you. We love you. We will put your name in the temple tomorrow. Brother Flake, Sr.
"It's a five dollar fine for whiiiinein'!" It's a good song!
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