Super Busy Day And Super Tired Because Of It

Today was a very busy day. I left Jon and Britt's house at 9:45 this morning and ever since then has been an emotional and physical roller coaster ride. I have enjoyed every minute of it though. :)

I went to Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake (my home away from home) to talk to my doctor about what the plan is for me next. Which, I have learned, totally depends on me. Right now I know no further than two weeks from now. Today I got a chemotherapy drug called gemcitobene. It is one of the nicer drugs that I have had. They give me anzemet, a 24 hour anti-nausea drug, that takes care of the nausea totally. Other than feeling a little weaker I am doing great. After today, I get the same drug next week up in Idaho at MSTI. Then we wait to see what my body does, i.e. how low it drops my blood counts, mainly my platelets. If I like how it goes, we do it again and again and again, until it doesn't work for pain control or whatever happens. But whatever happens, happens and I have no control so I am not worrying about it.

Today as I was driving to the hospital (in my first rental car), the closer I got the faster my heartbeat got and the more nervous I got. By the time I got up to the clinic my heart rate was 120 beats per minute, which is kinda high. Normal for me is around 99-102. I was way nervous. As I was being checked in, Pam went to put my bracelet on with all my hospital info on it and I said, "Okay, on with the shackles." She said, "At least we let you go later today." And I said, "Well, yeah, but I still have to do time after I leave." Meaning once I leave doesn't mean that my "stay" isn't over. I still have next weeks chemo and side effects to fight through. The side effects might take four or five weeks! Then I get to do it all over again.

But, for the most part, I don't mind. I have things to do and finish here. I am in no hurry anymore. I am at peace with my cancer, once again, for the most part. I still have my days, like Wednesday, where I am thrown forcefully back into the sucky life of a cancer patient. Days like that make me want to work harder to get better to be able to work harder on things that I want and need to do so I don't go crazy. :) I don't like how I feel on those days so I try my best to leave them in the dust and not let them rule my life. I have better things to do than wallow in self pity or anguish.

After I was checked in, I was only alone for about 5-10 minutes before I had people in my room. Tons of people. :) My nurse, my psychologist and his rookie, my doctor, and my other doctor that was a rookie when I started all this, but is now a full-fledged doctor. Then we didn't do anything for a while which helped me to settle down a bit. We talked about what I was up to, what I was doing to keep myself busy, and some things that I have been working on getting done. I made my psychologist's day. :) He thought he was needing to come in and give me a talkin' to. Get me motivated to do stuff, because when I do stuff I do better physically, emotionally, and spiritually. But he was pretty impressed with what I am doing. He told me that "little Jenna is all grown up now" and that I was like 30 years old! lol I told him not to push it.

I do feel older in a way though. I have learned how to deal with the life I have been given and how to push the right buttons for me to get self motivated. It is amazing. I have learned that there are things that matter and things that don't and not to consume my time with things that don't. For example, picking pointless fights with people just to prove I'm right. Now when I'm right I go "argh crap," especially with my chemistry class. I hate correcting teachers, but I also feel that I need to. Not only for me, but for my classmates as well. Funny thing is, my teacher welcomes it and even encourages it. lol He must be a pretty humble guy. lol

After spending six hours with people that I love and that love me that I am not related to and being sung to by a Marine Choir, I spent an hour trying to figure out what I was doing tonight. I needed to go see Grandma Hale, but I also wanted to go see Jerrod and his family. It was frustrating to be so close yet so far away and not be able to see his fam. So I arranged with Grandma and Nikki a plan that we would go visit her tomorrow morning before we headed out for Boise. I still owe Grandma a night of games even though she doesn't know that I owe her. :)

So I drove down to Payson to stay the night at Jerrod's house and hang out with the fam and then I will drive up tomorrow with Nik. I am so tired, sore and a little nauseated right now, but I just took some drugs to help me out. I should sleep like a baby tonight. Why do they say that? It isn't like babies don't wake up during the night! lol But I needed to post to make sure that I stay in the habit. It is a great habit for me. I have enjoyed it and I love getting comments from people, then I don't feel like I'm talking to myself. :) I get a lot of up lifting comments that help me feel better about what I am doing. Thanks y'all. Have a great day!